Paddling like Billy-O
The weight of open loops, invisible struggles and keeping yourself moving when everything feels out of your hands
One of the things I don't think we acknowledge enough is the toll waiting takes on us as freelancers.
At the moment I have two 'open loops'. The first is a delayed payment for a job I've been working on for months. The second is a contract I've been waiting on for quite some time. The latter finally arrived yesterday, but contained an unexpected wrinkle. It's one I'm sure we'll be able to smooth out, but it only compounded the stress, one loop closing only to open another.
We deal with these things all the time. We cope. But the number of open loops soon accumulates, creating noise that threatens to overwhelm.
It's made worse if you have a disability, which I do. Mine is largely invisible, but can cause chronic fatigue. It's something I avoid talking about as a freelancer as there's a fear that potential employers won't hire you if they don't consider you fit for work. I am fit for work. I pride myself on it. I manage my condition to the best of my ability so I show up and get the job done. It's why I'm so obsessed about deadlines and schedules. They are the way I protect myself, making sure I can fulfil and hopefully exceed my obligations without making myself ill. They are also things I can largely control, which definitely helps. Agency helps maintain energy. Lack of control does not.
Why am I saying all this? To invite sympathy? Aww, poor old, Cav. Someone get the man a Kleenex, for pity's sake. No. This is the career I chose, and I love it. Nothing makes me happier than when I'm knee deep in a story, and I realise doing this is a privilege. But it's also a job. A profession. I want to be as open as NDAs allow about the realities of a freelance creative life, because this situation is not unique to me. Not in the slightest. It happens to countless freelancers every single day and every single day the majority of freelancers suffer in silence because of the aforementioned fear.
Don't rock the boat, whatever you do.
Make like a swan, paddling away like billy-o beneath the surface, all while gliding as serenely as humanly possible.
What helps is knowing we're not alone. Situations like this happen all the time, whether you've been a freelancer for 15 years or are just 15 months into the job. We all go through periods when we're constantly checking our emails, feeling wretched because we haven't heard back yet, spending our time catastrophising about what will happen next.
Does that make it right? No, of course not. But knowing it's not just you does help.
If you're going through a similar situation right now, then I'm right here with you, making you a virtual cup of tea and offering you a biscuit.
Biscuits help, but so does knowing that someone else understands. Someone else gets it.
I'll pop the kettle on.
Until next time, look after yourself and each other.
WHAT I'M WORKING ON
Thanks to pesky NDAs, I can’t reveal many details about what I’m writing at the moment, so I’ve come up with a sneaky list of project names. Keep an eye on future editions. I'll update everything as the work progresses!
Project: Avarice
- A novelisation for a fantasy franchise, soon to be announced.
Project: Passer
- A graphic novel adaptation of a top romantasy novel. Currently scripting.
Project: Soldier
- A newly commissioned fantasy novel. The outline has now been approved, so it's full speed ahead on the writing!
Konflikt ‘47
- Working with Warlord Games on the lore and creative direction for the weird World War II tabletop game.
EVENTS
28th OCTOBER: GODFATHER OF HELL LAUNCH LIVESTREAM
Cavan Scott
05th NOVEMBER: FREE UNEARTHED EVENT IN BRISTOL
Cavan Scott
COMING SOON
Godfather of Hell
My new creator-owned graphic novel for mature readers. Think Goodfellas meets The Exorcist. On sale 28th October.
Star Wars: Scoundrels and Smugglers - Race for Jabba’s Bounty
An all-age graphic novel starring Han Solo, Chewbacca, Jaxxon and a host of scum and villainy. On sale 17th November.
MASTERS OF THE UNIVERSE GENESIS #4
The beginning of a new arc featuring Man-At-Arms unravelling a dark mystery with his friend, Prince Randor. On sale 16th December.