Pre-launch nerves and other writer hangups!
In which I spiral slightly before the big Gwenpool drop!
I sometimes wonder why I became a writer. Whose bright idea was that anyway? I try to appear confident and self-assured, but underneath, I'm a mess of anxiety and nerves beneath the surface. I overthink everything and am my own worst critic – some might say my worst enemy too! I constantly beat myself up... I'm not working fast enough. I'm not working well enough. Why can't I do better? Be better? Why, why, why?
And yet, I chose an industry where you constantly have to put yourself out there. Where you release your work into the wild and often see it savaged. Where you spend an awful lot of time waiting: for notes, for verdicts, for the outcome of pitches. You can lose entire days just refreshing your email, hoping for that one reply that might change EVERYTHING!
Just two pins in my collection. Do you think I'm trying to tell myself something?
A walking contradiction
In his BBC Maestro course Writing Thrillers, Harlan Coben puts it this way:
"It's a very strange dichotomy in a writer, where you think you suck all the time and yet [you're] going to write four hundred pages and [expect others] to spend $25 and eight or 10 hours to read it. Those two things are a contradiction"
You're not wrong, Harlan.
WHY HAVE I DONE THIS TO MYSELF?
Launch week jitters
As I write this, I have a launch coming up on Wednesday, my new Gwenpool miniseries from Marvel. It's a big deal for me – my first Marvel superhero mini not tied to a wider comic event – and it's one that has already sparked a level of controversy and backlash.
There's also been a lot of excitement from fans, and lovely things said by my peers (including the character's co-creators, which means a lot!)
But, it's fair to say, I'm a little jumpy. Actually, scrap that. My stomach's doing somersaults! That little voice in my head, my oh-so-highly developed super-ego, is having a field day.
It's going to bomb.
People are going to hate it.
YOU WILL NEVER GET WORK AGAIN!
Trying to get some perspective
I know at least one of those statements isn't true. On Monday, I start writing my next gig for Marvel – featuring one of my all-time favourite heroes, no less. But that doesn't stop me catastrophising.
The thing is... I know why I chose this job. Because I love it. I love these universes. These characters. I love telling stories. For all the anxiety and uncertainty, I'm doing exactly what I dreamed of as a kid. I often joke that my to-do list hasn't changed since I was 10 years old... but it's true!
I'm incredibly fortunate to be doing what I'm doing – and have worked hard to get here. Yeah, stick that in your pipe and smoke it, Mr. Super-Ego!
So, how to cope with the uncertainty of the week ahead? Well, continuing the quote I started above, Harlan Coben says:
"Live with the contradiction. Become that contradiction."
Inspiring advice... if still a tricky ask.
As with all things, it's all a matter of control – or lack of it.
Putting yourself out there
As soon as you publish a book or comic, it's out of your hands. Sure, you can push people towards it, promoting the hell out of it, or (if brave enough) tackle criticism head-on – but that's about it.
As the cliché goes, what will be, will be. So in the meantime, I'm going to try to remember the advice psychiatrist Carl Jung gave in a 1933 letter to a young person concerned about the future and
"quietly do the next and most necessary thing."
As Oliver Burkeman points out in Meditations for Mortals, no matter how much we stress about the future, we're all "hopelessly trapped in the present." We can prepare for tomorrow, yes, but we can't control what happens. The only thing we can control is this minute, right now.
So, I'm going to try my damndest to remember all that this week – to enjoy the launch, stay grounded and quietly get on with the next and most necessary thing.
Tomorrow can worry about itself.
ON WITH THE GWENPOOL HYPE-TRAIN!
So, let's keep the Gwenpool hype train a-chuffing...
💥 Gwenpool 101
If you've never experienced Gwenpool, then Comicbook.com have provided this handy primer for Marvel's narrative-twisting wildcard...
Liz Wyatt
👀 First look at Weapon X-31
First up, CBR published a special preview of Gwen Stacey's first appearance as Weapon X-31 this week. You can see the pages by clicking the spoiler warning below:
🎧 New Interview - Talking to Comic Collective
I also recently joined Evan at Comic Collective to discuss everyone's favourite fourth-wall breaking wildcard in a conversation that also covers:
- How Gwenpool’s meta-awareness and love of comic tropes shaped the adventure.
- Navigating fan reactions, both the love... and the backlash.
- Why story ALWAYS comes first.
- And a peek behind the curtain at how projects like this come together.
Give it a listen by clicking below:
✍️ Gwenpool signing in Bristol
Don't forget I'm going to be signing copies of Gwenpool #1 at Forbidden Planet Bristol on Saturday 17th May. All the details below!
Cavan Scott
MY LATEST POSTS
🔶 Finishing my first lino print - mistakes and all!
Cavan Scott
🔶 Inside my notebook: How I plan my week
Cavan Scott
🔶 May on the Star Wars: The High Republic fan calendar
Cavan Scott
🔶 My latest LEGO build - A Disney favourite, brick-by-tiny-brick!
Cavan Scott
THAT'S ALL FOR NOW, FOLKS
Phew! That was pretty packed! But now, I better be off and I'm just about to give another interview about Gwenpool!
That train just keeps on rolling! 🚂
Until next time, look after yourself and each other!
UPCOMING BOOKS
- STAR WARS: FEAR OF THE JEDI #3 Out now!
- STAR WARS: THE HIGH REPUBLIC - TEMPEST BREAKER SCRIPT BOOK 13th May 2025
- NIGHT OF THE SLASHERS TRADE PAPERBACK 14th May 2025
- GWENPOOL #1 14th May 2025
- VENOM WAR ZOMBIOTES TRADE PAPERBACK 21st May 2025
